Amy Crosby, 1970-2021

I met Amy Crosby in either late 2000 or early 2001, at a gay bar in the valley. I don't remember exactly which one, because I had seen her here and there at various Karaoke nights, where I had noticed her amazing ability to sound just like the artist she was emulating. Whether it was Cher, Alanis, Melissa Ethridge, or Traci Bonham, Amy would get up on stage and channel her inner diva. I think the first time I got up the courage to speak to her was at Apache in Studio City, which like many places I frequented in my twenties in Los Angeles, is no longer there. At the time she had her hair bleached blond and was adopting more of a "lipstick lesbian" persona, due to the fact that the "police were after her" after some sort of car accident or something. I thought, boy this girl is interesting! From the first moment we met she was telling me tall tales that seemed too incredible to be true, her (at the time) partner Von by her side, deadpan, not giving me any indication whether I should believe what Amy was saying or not. Soon, we became inseparable, the three of us. Once I discovered that Amy and Von had been writing songs, which they would then perform on the outskirts of softball games and house parties, I knew I had found my new family. I had moved to LA with the hopes of being in a band or musical group in some aspect. At the time, the most logical steps seemed to be either learning some dance moves and joining a boy band - I had already taken a hip hop and funk dance class - or try to write and record my own songs. Instead, I brought my Casio keyboard over to Amy and Von's apartment a couple buildings north of the Viper Room on Sunset Boulevard, and had them play through some of their songs so I could play along. Shitting Glitter - though we didn't have the name yet - was born!

Von and Amy, when I first met them (and after Amy cut her hair short).

 

It's safe to say that meeting Amy changed my life in numerous ways. She had a huge personality, loved to be contradictory, and relished being the center of attention. She encouraged me to be myself, to be unapologetic, and go after what I wanted in life. She taught me that I didn't have to answer anyone's phone calls if I didn't want to. In the beginning, she was like a big sister who just wanted to take me under her wing. She told me she was smart, and that she knew lots of things. 

Our very first band photo: me, Von, our guitarist Billy, and Amy.

Once we started the band, it felt like my life in LA really started. Every tiny milestone, every compliment, every gig we booked, felt like our dreams coming true. Amy had always wanted to be a star, and I thought that I could help. It was all very exciting to me.

Amy in her homemade "Madonna is a Whore" shirt.

 

 

As the years passed, we celebrated many accomplishments together. We couldn't believe it the first time we were chosen to play at the enormous LA Pride Festival. Then we were asked to film a segment for LOGO, MTV's new LGBT network; we toured the west coast; we flew to New York to play at the Queer Media & Entertainment Conference. OUT Magazine featured us in their fall entertainment issue. We were flown, first class, to Iceland to perform for 40,000+ people in downtown Reykjavik for their gay pride festival. Through band lineup changes, maxed out credit cards used to pay for studio time and CD pressings, and many late weeknights at hetero rock bars, we kept thinking we were on the right track. By the time our second album, "Free Alongside Ship," was released, my brother was one third of our band and was also dating, and living with, Amy. So it was really a family operation by then.

On stage at Reykjavik Gay Pride.

In so many episodes of VH1's "Behind the Music," it's after the fame and fortune that a band begins to unravel, with drug habits, financial issues and jealousy shattering relationships and the future of a formerly successful band. But we imploded before all that. While we had attained a level of success we had previously only dreamed about, that big break remained elusive. Our chance to be on RuPaul's Drag Race evaporated before it ever happened (and one of our former dancers, Alaska, went on to huge fame from that show); the segment we filmed for LOGO never aired. Drugs and alcohol had always been present in the equation but had now taken center stage. There were still high points, but the lows in between became increasingly dramatic and emotional. 

Amy, my brother Brandon, and I in a photo taken by Von to promote our "Carriage of Goods" 2006 Tour.

After the excruciating process of completing and releasing our troubled third album, "Open For Business," I decided to leave the band in the summer of 2010. It felt like a good time to move on, as I was able to leave Amy with a full live band - something we had always wanted but only recently achieved. In fact, upon my departure, Shitting Glitter was the all-female, loud punk rock band that I knew Amy always wanted. She was dating AJ, the guitar player, and they were writing more songs together, so I took my opportunity to move on and purposely distanced myself from Amy and the band.

On stage at Winnipeg Gay Pride in Canada, one of my last shows with the band.

In 2011, I formed my own band and released my debut solo album. Amy and I never stopped being friends, even if there was a healthy - perhaps unhealthy at times - rivalry between our now competing musical acts. But Amy always extended the invitation for me to sing with them anytime I caught one of their shows, and she always made it clear that she wanted to continue to write and perform with me if I ever wanted to again. At some point, after her and AJ broke up, she was playing sporadically with hired musicians. Occasionally, one of the hired musicians would call me asking for help as Amy had become erratic due to her drinking, which put a pause to Shitting Glitter. Later, she got married and her wife encouraged her to get sober and back on stage.

For several years, we discussed dusting off our first album, "Post No Bills," which we had recorded and released ourselves back in 2003. We wanted to fix some of the things we never liked about it, and we got Von on board. We even dreamed about playing some shows together as the original threesome to support a re-release, as it's the only album of ours not available on the internet today. In November 2018, Amy and I performed some of our earliest songs together, just her on vocals and me on the guitar, something we had never done before. But by this point Amy's demons had taken control of her life, and we never could complete the project.

 

Our friend Marc Loren was the unofficial 5th member of the band; we referred to him as "Amy's handler."

The past few years had been immensely difficult for Amy. She endured many hardships and losses, including the death of her mother and her best friend, Christopher. Her marriage had ended and she had been in yet another auto accident that totaled her car and left her in near-constant pain. Her fighting spirit was subdued by alcohol, pills, and mental health issues. She couldn't see a way back to herself, and after several fights, hospital visits, and close calls, neither could I. We stopped talking in December, just two months ago. I had hoped that my absence would contribute to a realization that she needed to seek help, but alas, those hopes are now gone. Amy is gone. But never forgotten.

 

Our last photo together: Marc, Amy, Dylan and I celebrating her 50th birthday in Long Beach, Nov. 5, 2020.

When I remember Amy, I will remember her passion and her belief in herself and in myself. She has been, other than my parents, perhaps the biggest supporter of my music. When she wanted to, she could walk in a room and win everybody over. She would wear the most outrageous outfit, topped off with a neon wig, and then proceed to transform from a dolled up glamazon into a short haired, androgynous being in a tank top and smeared makeup. At times, her confidence and swagger frightened me, but also inspired me and forced me to try harder, to do more, to push our music forward. I wish she could have remembered more of those things about herself recently, but I know that now, finally, she is in peace.

Amy and I in drag. She loved dressing up.

Amy's family and friends have set up a fundraiser for costs associated with her funeral and other arrangements. Please donate if you can - click here.