leftovers

So It's been awhile since I've blogged here, and in the meantime I had been blogging on my MySpace page. Lately I've not felt like sharing my thoughts on MySpace for a myriad of reasons, which I don't even feel the need to go into here. It's probably obvious to anyone reading this. Alas I don't think I can actually go without blogging (withdrawal!) so I'm back here on blogspot. I can't promise that I'll blog here with any regularity but really, who cares? Some of the same problems that have plagued my already-overstimulated mind have been eating away at me again lately. One of them is my career/goals/plans for the future. I'm equal parts excited and frustrated with my current state-of-things. Some nights I lay in bed and dream of starting over, somewhere else, taking the knowledge I've gained out here in LA over the past few years and applying it to a new life in a new place. Other time I think that would be a waste of time and I'...

It's very silly, really. Quite a few weeks back, my partner and I consumed a whole chicken, and upon finishing, set aside the wishbone. Days ago, we rediscovered the wishbone, now fully dry, and decided to take our chances with fate. We both made a wish, counted to three, and pulled. I ended up with the bigger half; hence my wish was destined to come true. I made a wish that a certain individual who I hadn't heard from in an amount of time that I was comfortable with would e-mail me. Low and behold, two mornings later, there it was in my in-box. Wishbones are mysterious things.

So it's coming up on Fall... it's still august but I am ready for autumn. Normally people don't start a big diet/excersize program at the END of summer, but then I never do things that people normally do (or I try not to, at least.) The main reason I am doing this now, is of course because I've again gotten rather fat (195lbs 2 weeks ago - down to 188 lbs now) and because big things are about to happen! First, my band was just in OUT magazine as one of the 'top picks for fall' because that's when our second album is coming out, which is going to be 50 times better than the first one, and it will actually be sold on leading internet retailers' sites (including itunes and amazon.com, my personal favorites.) Plus, we have a really big show coming up next month, Folsom Street Fair. And, Dylan and I are going to the Iceland Airwaves music festival in October and there's going to be lots of little icelandic hotties running around, and lots of geotherm...

I hardly ever use this blog. Which makes it kind of interesting to me, because everytime I stumble back upon it, I rarely remember writing the previous entry. It's a nice lil' surprise. I am constantly outblogged by my good blogger friends, buckglitter and shelfindulgence. But, I do spread my blogging around the neighborhood, kind of a blog slut I guess. I've got a blog at myspace.com/devintait and one at myspace.com/shittingglitter so those keep my hands full. Throughout any given day, I have about 20 "profound" thoughts, or rather trains of thought, that I think to myself would make for a good blog... but I don't often get around to actually typing them in. If only one could hook a USB cable into one's head and download the data directly. It's the QWERTY that fucks me up.

I left the windows wide open today to air out the apartment, and then about a minute ago I thought I heard rain; turned around and looked out the window and sure enough it's raining! How frustrating. It's raining too hard to ride my bike home and shut the window, but if I walk it will take an hour to get there and back, and I already took my lunch break. I guess it'll just have to get a little wet. I am so eager to get my hands on the new Electric Six album - I thought it would be at Virgin Megastore on Monday (the import release) but it wasn't, and Marc (my friend who works there) says it won't be in until Friday. I had one of the most amazing dreams last night. I have been really getting into this cognisant dreaming - where you realize that you are in a dream and manipulate it to get what you want out of it. In the dream, I was walking down Main Street in my hometown, Paradise Kansas. I then realized it was a dream and decided I wanted to be in Reykjavik ins...

It's valentine's day and it's sort of chilly and I have a chill in my heart after reading "Shadowland" over the weekend. It's funny how a person can go through life and be surrounded by people who are so careless and thoughtless. Another thought: As much as I've grown to despise the homeless people, it seems as if they may be better off here on the streets of Hollywood than they would be in an institution. I am talking about the schizophrenic ones (which most of them seem to be). After reading about the conditions at Steilacoom where Frances Farmer was, and then doing some further research that suggests conditions are not much better today - well compared to that, the streets of Hollywood must be like a Sheraton Hotel.

OK so I used to use this BLOG as my diet and health diary. That was lame, and I apologize. I have actually had way more success with my "NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION" diet and am now down to 180 lbs if you were keeping track. Anyway, I already keep a blog on my myspace page, a blog for my band on our myspace page, and a daily personal diary. So, this little blog is here is a little overboard. The title 'leftovers' is actually still a really good title for this, because I am merely here to squeeze in whatever else hasn't found a home in any of my other mediums. The main reason I am here however, is so I can comment on two other people who are keeping blogs here. So that's that.

I have been bad... Anyway I thought I should update this, even though I've been bad, to say that I'm still here, wishin' hopin' and dreamin' but I haven't been dieting or working out. However, since my car is no more (it quit; I got rid ot it) I have been walkin' a lot so maybe that has been good excersize. I feel like Jesus times. Walking around. Walking in LA! Only a nobody walks in LA...

OK... so I sort of fell off the wagon a bit. I haven't really been too bad - no total binge eating or anything. I even made it to the gym a few times last week. But the weekend was total Chaos - between the KROQ Inland Invasion and the Emmy's, it was just a blur. A fun blur, but filled with junk food and alcohol. Anyway, I bought the "South Beach" good carbs/bad carbs guide book and I'm going to go back on the diet next week. I did the South Beach once and did manage to lose 10 lbs. I didn't want to do it again because I just didn't feel like concentrating that hard, but obviously I need something like that to add boundaries. So, I'm going to take it easy this week, and then next week I'm going for it 100% again.

Well I didn't even make it to the gym last night. I am not doing so well right now but I'm not too worried. I am determined to keep doing this, and maybe it's better to not be so strict at first. After all, only 2 weeks ago I was eating fast food twice a day, snaking on candy bars and chips, and not working out at all. Even the work I have done this weeks is leaps and bounds better than that. I do plan on going to the gym after work today and one day this weekend. Blondie is playing tomorrow in Newport Beach so I may go to that, I'm just scared of driving my car all the way down there. My car is a piece of crap and it's about to fall apart, and I kept thinking my boyfriend would have a car by now, but no, he just keeps putting off buying a new car. We're mixing and recording more this weekend. The songs are sounding really good.

Hmm... it's at this point in the journey that I feel as though I'm walking through molasses. I don't seem to be losing weight (I was back at 192 last night!) and now the cravings for junk food have successfully done me in several times! I went to the gym last night but only managed to do about 30 minutes of leg work and some chest exercizes before I had to throw in the towel. Afterwards, I did go to the grocery store so I could again stock up on healthy foods. I do feel somewhat discouraged but it also makes me want to work harder. I know that the work I have been doing is going to pay off, I just need to work a little harder at this to really feel good about it. When I got home, I drank most of a bottle of red wine and wrote a letter to my pen pal, Michael Alig. Then I went to bed.

Well I felt that I did pretty well through the long labor day weekend. Exceptions were made but nothing that made me feel too awful. On Saturday, I got to travel to Laguna beach to hang out with a couple gals who used to be in a band, that happens to be one of my favorite bands ever. I met them in England last year at one of their 'reunion tour' shows in Birmingham. I haven't seen them since then and it was really nice to get to hang out and chat with them. It was so much fun that when I got home and found my rear passenger window of my car smashed in, I really tried not to let it get me down. Days later I discovered my CD book L-S was missing, so basically every CD I owned with artists names beginning with L through S (Kylie, Madonna, The Spice Girls, Siouxsie, etc) are all gone. Sad, Sad, Sad. I did end up going to the gym on Saturday, which was good, and I was down to 189 lbs! I was very happy about that, although yesterday I was back up to 191. I feel confid...

Well TGIF and aren't I in high spirits? My boss is gone, and just called from the airport to say I could leave at 1pm today! So I've got a 3 1/2 day weekend ahead of me which is great. Yesterday I was not as great as I have been. I didn't go anywhere on my lunch break, and I had a shrimp salad from Baja Fresh. I did do 50 sit-ups and push-ups here in the office when my boss went to the bank. After work, I went to the gym and did 50 minutes on the elliptical machine and then lifted free weights. I was there about 1 1/2 hours. Then I went to eat dinner at Koo Koo Roo, I had a chicken breast with italian vegetables and butternut squash. I was still sort of hungry, though. Then I went over to the 'band hangout' with the intention of recording my piano part for one of our new songs, but I had forgotten the damper pedal so I couldn't do it. Then Melissa, our friend who has her own music projects, came over so that my brother could help her mixing some track...

I think I went a little overboard yesterday. I rode my new bike at work on my lunch break for an hour - went home, went to Amoeba and then back to work, which is quite a long way for me to be riding a bike. Then, after work I went to the gym and worked out for over 2 hours and felt totally dead by the end of it. I actually felt dead halfway through, so I bribed myself by getting a drink (high protein./no carbs) and a 'nutritious' cookie (if there is such a thing.) The good news is that I'm down to 193lbs again, so hopefully it will just keep dropping for a little while. Other than that not much news to report. I have been eating well, I had scrambled eggs w/spinach & cheese for breakfast, then a salad for lunch and one for dinner and snacking on fat-free/sugar-free pudding. Plan on going to the gym after work today but not for 2 hours this time. I think I'll keep the fairly strict diet for at least 2 weeks and then may splurge a little bit one day the week...

Well first the bad news. I got on the scale yesterday and weighed 195lbs! How can that be?!?! I guess it was the weekend, still catching up with me. All that booze and junk food. Well, those pounds better beware because they're going to be gone soon. Yesterday for my lunch break I had to return some videos, so I walked. I walked my whole hour lunch break at a pretty quick pace, and instead of having a proper lunch I snacked on carrots and sunflower seeds. After work, I went to Gold's Gym and did 45 min. on the elliptical machine, and then did free-weights for awhile. Afterwards I went home and had a nice Shrimp salad from Burger King. It feels kind of weird being on a diet and eating salads from fast food joints. It was really good, though. Later in the evening, I jogged down to the grocery store, which is actually quite aways from my house. It was a nice little jog and I felt very urban, jogging down Western Ave. in Koreatown. The bright signs in foreign languages i...

Hello, so it's day two of my new life. Damn that sounds cheesy. Luckily, it doesn't matter because I have good news to report. Yesterday on my lunch break, instead of driving to McDonalds and ordering a big mac, large fries, chicken sandwich and a strawberry shake (with a diet coke, or course!) I just went walking. I walked up to Amoeba on Sunset Blvd. and back. Then, when I got off work, I went to Gold's gym and did the elliptical running machine for 45 minutes. Then I did hand weights for 20 minutes and then did one machine. It was very exilarating. Needless to say I was pretty tired when I got home, but instead of laying down to watch TV with some junk food, I sorted the laundry and my boyfriend and I took it all to the laundromat. While it was in the washer, I had a roasted chicken salad from across the street. It was yummy and I didn't use the whole pack of ranch dressing (they didn't have any lo-cal or non-fat but I'm not going to sweat about i...

Well this is interesting. I never meant to Blog. And now it seems I'm not meant to, as I can't seem to figure out how to work this. Wait, I just figured it out. Anyway, the only reason I am starting this blog is sort of a silly one. I've been trying for months now to start a diet & work out program. A lifestyle change. With each passing week, I slip further and further into irresponsible eating, over-indulging, binge-drinking, etc... and it's just finally gotten to that point where I REALLY must stop it. And, although I have been at this point for several weeks now, I just have to do something, ANYTHING, to get my life back into my control. By that, I just mean about the eating & working out. The rest is OK for now (although my finances could use some work). To explain things, I am 27 and in a band. I also have a day job working in an office. I like to eat food a lot, and I love fast food. I also love cookies and muffins. I like Ice Cream too...