My Two Dads
No, I don't actually have two fathers. I have a father and a mother, who have been married since 1974 - three years before I, their eldest child, was born.
But, in the midst of all this commotion about same-gender marriage, I was reminded of the late '80's sitcom, "My Two Dads". I can't say I was some huge fan of the show, but I remember watching it often back when it was on television during my middle school days. For those of you who don't remember or were too young, it was a show where this girl's mom dies and a judge subsequently awards custody of the girl to the two men who had been competing for the late mother's affections. The comedy was provided by the fact that the girl, played by Staci Keenan, lived in a house with her two "fathers" (played by Paul Reiser and Greg Evigan) who were an updated odd couple. Reiser's Michael was the straight-laced, by-the-books/suit-and-tie type of fellow, while Evigan's Joey was the wild n' crazy artist. Of course, back then, gay marriage was nowhere near being the high-profile, controversial topic that it is today and middle America was willing to accept that two men could live together and raise a daughter together, so long as those men were heterosexual. I don't remember any outrage at the time - no statements from churches or "pro-family" organizations denouncing the sitcom as an attack on christian morals or an affront to traditional families. Now, nearly 20 years later, not only is the notion of two men choosing to spend their lives together and receiving the same rights and privileges available to any other couple who is willing to express their love and devotion for one another often met with outright hostility, the thought that two men (or two women) in a loving committed relationship might want to raise children together has become the hot button issue of the day. What a long, strange trip it's been.
I'm trying as much as I can to focus on other things right now, as it will be at least March of 2009 before the California Supreme Court rules on the various lawsuits brought forth by proponents of marriage equality in the aftermath of Proposition 8. I try to focus on the positive, but not a day goes by that I don't think of Prop 8 and feel extreme sadness. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I think maybe I should move to another country. Often I feel more devastated for my parents than for myself, because I know that they have worked so hard on their own marriage and they would like nothing more than to have my partner and I be able to share in the institution of marriage.
I've tried to ignore the horrible statements and opinions expressed by the opponents of marriage equality. I watched an especially painful episode of Dr. Phil last week where he had some of the key players from both "sides" on the show to represent the various viewpoints. It's sick hearing some of the things that come out of people's mouths. People trying to disqualify this as a civil rights movements for various reasons. Many have tried to pit the gay community against the African American community by trying to make the case that gay rights are not civil rights in the way that the African American movement was because gay people can "hide" the fact that they are gay, or "choose" not to live a gay lifestyle. I realize this might be difficult for people who are not gay to understand, especially for those people who fall a little closer to the middle of the Kinsey scale. I think that it is widely accepted that a majority of humans are born heterosexual. Those of us who were born at the other end of the spectrum do not feel that we can "hide" our orientation or blend in as much as some people would like to make it seem. Sure, some gay people look, sound and act like straight people. But for many of us, it was not so easy. I was called gay in school before I was even 1o years old. Being called gay, faggot, queer, homosexual was a common occurrence throughout my entire life. Believe me, at that time it WAS something I tried to hide or change. I wasn't very successful at it.
I also remember grownups talking about how they though this person or that person was gay or lesbian, always trying to figure out who the "gay" ones were. Not trying to figure out who might "choose" to be gay, or who might decide they wanted to live a homosexual lifestyle. No, in the gay guessing game, it's assumed that gay people are either gay or straight and that there are tell-tale signs that give it away. So why do these same people now say that it is a choice? Why do they assume somebody can decide to not be openly gay, when they so desperately wanted to gossip and guess about these people's innermost feelings and emotions? Why are our sex lives any of your business anyway? You say you don't want us to "flaunt" our sexuality, but you've been sticking your nose in our business our entire lives, trying to figure out what it is we want to do in the privacy of our own bedrooms.
I realize there are those right wing nut jobs out there who believe in the crazy notion of the "ex-gays", people like Ted Haggard who insist that their homosexual desires are the results of abuse or some other trauma that has caused them to lose control to their "demons" and who insist that they can be straight if they just TRY hard enough. As some protesters have been keen to point out with their signs, do you really want ME marrying your daughter?
I think most people out there, even those who might have voted for Prop 8 out of fears that their churches would lose the power to preach against homosexuality or that their schools would teach children that they could marry a member of the same gender, understand that gay people are just like anyone else; we have the same dreams and desires and fears as any other humans. I'm sure that some people out there have had bad experiences with members of the gay community, and have unfortunately judged us all based on those experiences. Some "straight" people may have more homosexual tendencies than others and feel that their ability to repress those feelings warrants them some sort of higher respect from god or society, but there has to come a day when the MAJORITY of people finally understand that it is discrimination to deny an entire group of people the respect and equality they deserve under the law.
But, in the midst of all this commotion about same-gender marriage, I was reminded of the late '80's sitcom, "My Two Dads". I can't say I was some huge fan of the show, but I remember watching it often back when it was on television during my middle school days. For those of you who don't remember or were too young, it was a show where this girl's mom dies and a judge subsequently awards custody of the girl to the two men who had been competing for the late mother's affections. The comedy was provided by the fact that the girl, played by Staci Keenan, lived in a house with her two "fathers" (played by Paul Reiser and Greg Evigan) who were an updated odd couple. Reiser's Michael was the straight-laced, by-the-books/suit-and-tie type of fellow, while Evigan's Joey was the wild n' crazy artist. Of course, back then, gay marriage was nowhere near being the high-profile, controversial topic that it is today and middle America was willing to accept that two men could live together and raise a daughter together, so long as those men were heterosexual. I don't remember any outrage at the time - no statements from churches or "pro-family" organizations denouncing the sitcom as an attack on christian morals or an affront to traditional families. Now, nearly 20 years later, not only is the notion of two men choosing to spend their lives together and receiving the same rights and privileges available to any other couple who is willing to express their love and devotion for one another often met with outright hostility, the thought that two men (or two women) in a loving committed relationship might want to raise children together has become the hot button issue of the day. What a long, strange trip it's been.
I'm trying as much as I can to focus on other things right now, as it will be at least March of 2009 before the California Supreme Court rules on the various lawsuits brought forth by proponents of marriage equality in the aftermath of Proposition 8. I try to focus on the positive, but not a day goes by that I don't think of Prop 8 and feel extreme sadness. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I think maybe I should move to another country. Often I feel more devastated for my parents than for myself, because I know that they have worked so hard on their own marriage and they would like nothing more than to have my partner and I be able to share in the institution of marriage.
I've tried to ignore the horrible statements and opinions expressed by the opponents of marriage equality. I watched an especially painful episode of Dr. Phil last week where he had some of the key players from both "sides" on the show to represent the various viewpoints. It's sick hearing some of the things that come out of people's mouths. People trying to disqualify this as a civil rights movements for various reasons. Many have tried to pit the gay community against the African American community by trying to make the case that gay rights are not civil rights in the way that the African American movement was because gay people can "hide" the fact that they are gay, or "choose" not to live a gay lifestyle. I realize this might be difficult for people who are not gay to understand, especially for those people who fall a little closer to the middle of the Kinsey scale. I think that it is widely accepted that a majority of humans are born heterosexual. Those of us who were born at the other end of the spectrum do not feel that we can "hide" our orientation or blend in as much as some people would like to make it seem. Sure, some gay people look, sound and act like straight people. But for many of us, it was not so easy. I was called gay in school before I was even 1o years old. Being called gay, faggot, queer, homosexual was a common occurrence throughout my entire life. Believe me, at that time it WAS something I tried to hide or change. I wasn't very successful at it.
I also remember grownups talking about how they though this person or that person was gay or lesbian, always trying to figure out who the "gay" ones were. Not trying to figure out who might "choose" to be gay, or who might decide they wanted to live a homosexual lifestyle. No, in the gay guessing game, it's assumed that gay people are either gay or straight and that there are tell-tale signs that give it away. So why do these same people now say that it is a choice? Why do they assume somebody can decide to not be openly gay, when they so desperately wanted to gossip and guess about these people's innermost feelings and emotions? Why are our sex lives any of your business anyway? You say you don't want us to "flaunt" our sexuality, but you've been sticking your nose in our business our entire lives, trying to figure out what it is we want to do in the privacy of our own bedrooms.
I realize there are those right wing nut jobs out there who believe in the crazy notion of the "ex-gays", people like Ted Haggard who insist that their homosexual desires are the results of abuse or some other trauma that has caused them to lose control to their "demons" and who insist that they can be straight if they just TRY hard enough. As some protesters have been keen to point out with their signs, do you really want ME marrying your daughter?
I think most people out there, even those who might have voted for Prop 8 out of fears that their churches would lose the power to preach against homosexuality or that their schools would teach children that they could marry a member of the same gender, understand that gay people are just like anyone else; we have the same dreams and desires and fears as any other humans. I'm sure that some people out there have had bad experiences with members of the gay community, and have unfortunately judged us all based on those experiences. Some "straight" people may have more homosexual tendencies than others and feel that their ability to repress those feelings warrants them some sort of higher respect from god or society, but there has to come a day when the MAJORITY of people finally understand that it is discrimination to deny an entire group of people the respect and equality they deserve under the law.
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