Heartbroken
I am torn.
Last night I witnessed such a powerful, happy, hopeful moment as Barack Obama was elected President of the United States of America. I am so thankful to have been able to share in that moment. I was almost unable to.
After work yesterday, I went home and turned on the TV to watch the election coverage, alternating between CNN and MSNBC. In order to also keep updated about the battle against Proposition 8, I also had my laptop on the coffee table. My cell phone sat nearby, buzzing with text messages every few minutes. And then... darkness! The power had gone out in my whole neighborhood. I waited and waited, but it did not come back on.
Finally, I took my laptop and went to Starbucks. I had heard they were giving away free coffee to people who voted so I figured I could sit there and at least watch the coverage online with my headphones. I did get free coffee, but was irked to discover that the Starbucks nearest my apartment doesn't offer WiFi; they insisted that I could use the free City of West Hollywood WiFi but I could not get that to work.
I walked back home, getting antsy about missing the projections and results coming in by the minute. When I got back to my building, the power was still off. I began to suspect it was a conspiracy by the Yes On 8 people to suppress gay voters in West Hollywood.
Again, I headed towards Santa Monica Blvd., this time headed for FUBAR, where I could at least watch the coverage on TV. I walked in to see all the screens on CNN (good sign) and the bartender was the only person there (another good sign when all you want to do is watch TV). To my surprise, Amy and Prue walked in the door just after I got my first drink! As more states came in voting for Obama, the fun began. Dylan called me saying he was home so I told him to come over to FUBAR and join us. Suddenly, so quickly CNN announced their projection: Barack Obama would be the next President!!! Cheers all around, drinks, hugs, running out to the street and screaming with delight, cars honking, people laughing and squealing, text messages, elated cell phone conversations....
We watched McCain make his thoughtful, eloquent speech and awaited the remarks from our Man, Obama. It turned out our friend Marc was just down the street at the WeHo Obama Headquarters, where the crowd of volunteers was celebrating and awaiting Obama's speech. So we ran down the street, in high spirits, and joined everyone there for a moving experience. We drank, we cried, we laughed.
After that we quickly went home, regrouped, and took off for the No On 8 party at the Music Box. Things quickly began to get weird. The numbers for 8 were bad. Everyone there tried to remain hopeful but things weren't looking good. People were drinking to retain their hope. We finally left at midnight, when it was becoming apparent that Prop 8 was probably going to pass.
I woke up and while Dylan was in the shower, I got online and checked. Sure enough, despite millions of ballots having yet to be counted, many sources had called it: Prop 8 passed. I couldn't bear to tell Dylan. I couldn't even bear to think of it myself. I got back in bed, put my head under the blankets, and tried to pretend like it had all been a bad dream.
But it wasn't. I got up and went to work. I tried to carry about my day like normal. Things are so far from normal, though. I am a second class citizen in the state that is supposed to be one of the most progressive in the nation. The government that I pay taxes to does not think of me as equal because the person that I love shares the same sexual organs as myself. 52.5% of my neighbors and colleagues feel I am not worthy enough to share in all the rights they enjoy, and do not feel that my partner of six years and I deserve to have the same opportunities for starting a family as they do. It's sickening and heartbreaking after how much time, effort, and money I sacrificed just to try and attain equal rights.
I want to be happy about Obama being our next president. I want to feel happy that 47.5% of Californians took a stand against bigotry, hatred, discrimination, and out-of-state religious organizations trying to manipulate our state's constitution. But I can't; not right now anyway. I am torn up inside, my heart is broken, and the worst part is that this is how those people want me to feel. Well you won. But the war is not over, not even close... When my community recovers from this devastating blow, we will be back and we will be more powerful than before. Where once we were reticent in being treated as separate and unequal, we now know that we deserve to be treated the same and we will fight for this until this country treats everyone fairly.
Last night I witnessed such a powerful, happy, hopeful moment as Barack Obama was elected President of the United States of America. I am so thankful to have been able to share in that moment. I was almost unable to.
After work yesterday, I went home and turned on the TV to watch the election coverage, alternating between CNN and MSNBC. In order to also keep updated about the battle against Proposition 8, I also had my laptop on the coffee table. My cell phone sat nearby, buzzing with text messages every few minutes. And then... darkness! The power had gone out in my whole neighborhood. I waited and waited, but it did not come back on.
Finally, I took my laptop and went to Starbucks. I had heard they were giving away free coffee to people who voted so I figured I could sit there and at least watch the coverage online with my headphones. I did get free coffee, but was irked to discover that the Starbucks nearest my apartment doesn't offer WiFi; they insisted that I could use the free City of West Hollywood WiFi but I could not get that to work.
I walked back home, getting antsy about missing the projections and results coming in by the minute. When I got back to my building, the power was still off. I began to suspect it was a conspiracy by the Yes On 8 people to suppress gay voters in West Hollywood.
Again, I headed towards Santa Monica Blvd., this time headed for FUBAR, where I could at least watch the coverage on TV. I walked in to see all the screens on CNN (good sign) and the bartender was the only person there (another good sign when all you want to do is watch TV). To my surprise, Amy and Prue walked in the door just after I got my first drink! As more states came in voting for Obama, the fun began. Dylan called me saying he was home so I told him to come over to FUBAR and join us. Suddenly, so quickly CNN announced their projection: Barack Obama would be the next President!!! Cheers all around, drinks, hugs, running out to the street and screaming with delight, cars honking, people laughing and squealing, text messages, elated cell phone conversations....
We watched McCain make his thoughtful, eloquent speech and awaited the remarks from our Man, Obama. It turned out our friend Marc was just down the street at the WeHo Obama Headquarters, where the crowd of volunteers was celebrating and awaiting Obama's speech. So we ran down the street, in high spirits, and joined everyone there for a moving experience. We drank, we cried, we laughed.
After that we quickly went home, regrouped, and took off for the No On 8 party at the Music Box. Things quickly began to get weird. The numbers for 8 were bad. Everyone there tried to remain hopeful but things weren't looking good. People were drinking to retain their hope. We finally left at midnight, when it was becoming apparent that Prop 8 was probably going to pass.
I woke up and while Dylan was in the shower, I got online and checked. Sure enough, despite millions of ballots having yet to be counted, many sources had called it: Prop 8 passed. I couldn't bear to tell Dylan. I couldn't even bear to think of it myself. I got back in bed, put my head under the blankets, and tried to pretend like it had all been a bad dream.
But it wasn't. I got up and went to work. I tried to carry about my day like normal. Things are so far from normal, though. I am a second class citizen in the state that is supposed to be one of the most progressive in the nation. The government that I pay taxes to does not think of me as equal because the person that I love shares the same sexual organs as myself. 52.5% of my neighbors and colleagues feel I am not worthy enough to share in all the rights they enjoy, and do not feel that my partner of six years and I deserve to have the same opportunities for starting a family as they do. It's sickening and heartbreaking after how much time, effort, and money I sacrificed just to try and attain equal rights.
I want to be happy about Obama being our next president. I want to feel happy that 47.5% of Californians took a stand against bigotry, hatred, discrimination, and out-of-state religious organizations trying to manipulate our state's constitution. But I can't; not right now anyway. I am torn up inside, my heart is broken, and the worst part is that this is how those people want me to feel. Well you won. But the war is not over, not even close... When my community recovers from this devastating blow, we will be back and we will be more powerful than before. Where once we were reticent in being treated as separate and unequal, we now know that we deserve to be treated the same and we will fight for this until this country treats everyone fairly.
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