Proposition 8

For the past month or so, I've been active in volunteering not only for my usual cause of helping the homeless, but also for No On 8, The Equality For All Campaign.
This marks the first time in my life I have been an active participant in a political campaign. The reason I have chosen to become involved is because this is a cause that is more near and dear to my heart than perhaps any other.
Proposition 8 has been placed on the ballot by members of the religious right who seek to overturn the California Supreme Court's May 2008 ruling "that the California legislative and initiative measures limiting marriage to opposite-sex couples violate the state constitutional rights of same-sex couples and may not be used to preclude same-sex couples from marrying."

Since this is my blog, I'd like to take a moment to tell my personal story. I knew from a very early age that I was gay, despite the constant awareness that, from my perspective, the whole world seemed to be anti-gay. Growing up in conservative rural Kansas, I had no gay role models, heard nothing positive about homosexuals, and constantly heard derogatory jokes and comments about gay people. Despite this, and my desperate desire to "fit in" and be accepted, I knew in my heart that I was not a heterosexual. I was not born a heterosexual. Nothing traumatic or scandalous happened in my childhood that made me into a homosexual, I simply knew from the first time that I was aware of attraction to anyone, that I was attracted to males. This did not change as I was growing up, as I so often wished it would. Going through junior high, puberty, high school, nothing changed. I dated girls and tried my hardest to ignore my inner thoughts but that only created feelings of inferiority and insecurity. There came a point in my high school years where I realized that I was just going to have to hide my true feelings until I went away to college, where I could move to a different town, make new friends, and experience the anonymity I had never known having grown up in small towns.

Graduation from High School came and went, and I just wasn't ready to leave my family and home. I ended up enrolling at Fort Hays State University, just across town from my parents' house and my high school. However, I eventually came out of the closet with the help of accepting friends and family. I had a few relationships and made friends with some other gay guys at college, but soon it became apparent that I would never attain the lifestyle I wanted living in Hays, Kansas. So I set my sights on Los Angeles, CA, after reading about the gay enclave known as West Hollywood on the Internet.

I now call West Hollywood home, along with my partner of six years, Dylan. I always secretly harbored dreams of one day getting married, despite the fact that it was only legal in one out of the fifty states and I had no plans on moving to Massachusetts. My parents had been married since before I was born and despite the ups and downs common to any long term relationship, remain happily married after 35 years. Dylan's parents, however, were never married to each other and growing up in California, had a less rosy perspective of marriage than I did, having seen many people struggle through dysfunctional unions and nasty divorces. So, it was an issue that I never pressed, just being happy to appreciate each passing day, month, and year that Dylan and I spent together.

Then, as I said before, in May of 2008, the California State Supreme Court ruled that it was unconstitutional to deny the right of marriage to anyone based on sexual orientation. The gay "summer of love" was born, as committed gay couples across the state celebrated their relationships by having them officially recognized by the state, many of them having been together for decades already. At every gay pride festival I went to that summer (and my band played at five of them!) the excitement was palpable as newly wed couples, soon-t0-be-married couples, and even hopeful bachelors and bachelorettes celebrated our newly granted rights.

Of course it wasn't long before those who oppose equal rights paid people to gather enough signatures to put Proposition 8 on this November's ballot, ostensibly to "protect marriage". Obviously people have their own opinions but I fail to see how preventing people who love each other to marry will "protect marriage." I've spent some time today looking at websites like iprotectmarriage.com and protectmarriage.com and it seems like the thing those people are most afraid of is that children will be taught in school that marriages between two members of the same sex are equal to marriage of members of the opposite sex. Frankly, I would hope that if gays and lesbians are allowed to marry their partners, that children would be taught to treat these marriages equally. Because if I am allowed to get married, and Dylan and I decide to do so, I would love to one day adopt children and I would hate to think that they would be taught in school that their parents marriage is any less valid than anyone else's parents.

I grew up with conservative people, in a conservative atmosphere, and I still fail to understand just what it is about gay marriage that threatens so many people. I've heard their reasons - "it will undermine traditional marriage" - "marriage is between a man and a woman" - "God views homosexuals as an abomination" - but they just don't hold water for me. First of all, as much as I respect and honor tradition, there comes a time when people have to admit to themselves that the world in fact changes and progresses naturally, all on it's own. Human attempts to stop change from happening are never successful. More and more humans are coming out and saying that they are gay, but we are still clearly in the minority. The worst complaints that I always hear about homosexuals ALL stem from the fact that we have NOT had positive role models, we have not felt acceptance or encouragement from society, and we have not been ALLOWED to have our relationships validated by the government in the same way our straight counterparts have. Can you imagine what gay people would be like if they knew that they could grow up to have happy, "normal" lives? As much as I hate the word "normal", it's what many people want - gay or straight, and really, there's nothing wrong with that. Some people are revolutionaries, some are activists, but many are just people who want to be able to go about their lives and their individual pursuits of love and happiness without being discriminated against. That is what every civil rights movement has been about, being treated equal and finding acceptance.

I urge anyone reading this blog to consider my point of view and try to understand that what I and the rest of us who are fighting Prop 8 are asking for - just to be treated equal. To be given a chance. Many of my gay friends do not want to get married, they view marriage as an archaic and outdated institution that sets people up to fail, and I can appreciate that point of view. I am not without my own reservations and doubts about marriage. But I would hate to think that, in 2008, there are still more people in the state of California and the rest of the nation that are so biased against gay people that they would actually want the government to remove and EXISTING right and discriminate against one group of people.

Please, if you are a registered voter in California, please vote NO ON PROP 8. If you do not live in California, please consider donating to the Equality for All Campaign at www.noonprop8.com and tell anyone you know out here in the golden state to vote against this unfair and discriminatory proposition.

Please protect marriage by allowing gays and lesbians the same rights that everyone else has, and by showing future generations that the ONLY requirement needed to be married is that two people love and are committed to each other. That, and that alone, will strengthen the institution of marriage.