Reflections on Four Decades

Last week, I turned 40. This was something that younger versions of me dreaded, but luckily the current version is totally cool with. I do remember when I moved to LA, at the tender age of 22 years, I told myself that if I wasn't a "rich, famous musician" by the time I was 27, I was going to leave LA and just concentrate on having a regular career. Apparently, at that time, I thought 27 was old... and 40 must have been ancient.

Turning 30 was a little rough for me, but my thirties ended up being a great decade, and I honestly can't say that I was left wanting for anything, other than that career as a rich, famous musician, of course. The great thing was that I realized the fame and money didn't matter near as much as family, friendship, and happiness; all of which I had plenty of in that ten year span.

I remember my parents turning 40 and how we made fun of them for being 'over the hill,' and taunting them with the phrase "lordy, lordy, look who's forty!"

I certainly don't feel the way I always figured being 40 would feel. I still have much of the optimism, energy and lust for life that I have always felt. I'm extremely fortunate in that my health is still intact, for the most part. I have already experienced a little taste of some back issues, creaky knees and joints, and I may or may not have passed some kidney stones a year or two ago (the doctor couldn't be sure). But overall, my body is in as good of shape as it really ever has been - bar those couple of years when I was doing boot camp and really taking care of myself. But I know the time has come to really treat my body like a temple, because it's not going to get any easier from here on out.

I was born in the 1970s but of course I don't remember much from those first three years. For all intents and purposes, I was an '80s child, and that is still the decade I look back on the most fondly. The music, the fashion, the pop-culture is all still stuff I'm obsessed with. Part of the joy of becoming an adult, for me, was being able to go back and explore - and own - all the things I was interested in back then but were out of reach. Having grown up on a farm in the middle of nowhere Kansas, I always felt so removed from what I thought was the "cool stuff" going on in the world. The Boy Georges, and the Thompson Twins and the Adventures in Babysitting. I had never seen skyscrapers, I had never flown on a plane, I had never gotten to hang out with the cool kids. Once you grow up and get a little money in your pocket (oh, and ebay gets invented) it's almost like you can time travel and pick up those things you missed the first time.

Of course, that was much of my 20s and 30s - collecting records and memorabilia from the 80s and beyond, stuff I always wanted as a kid, whether I even knew about it at the time or not.

Another huge part of my 20s was getting the childhood I had always wanted but felt I missed out on, being a closeted gay growing up in rural Kansas. I didn't really have wild teenage angst or reckless abandon. I mostly stayed in my room, or parked in front of the TV in the living room, as a teenager. I didn't really date - I had a couple of girlfriends in High School. I never had a drop of alcohol until my senior year in high school. While I was finally able to cut loose a little during that last year of high school, and the five successive years of college in the same dusty old cow town where I had been since turning 13, it wasn't until I moved to LA in the spring of 2000 that I finally felt I was really living my life.

My twenties were wild, in many different ways. What I lacked in stability or maturity, I made up for in spontaneity, curiosity, and a willingness to try anything twice. I met a lot of people, had a lot of fun, danced until the wee hours of the mornings, flew to foreign countries, and met the love of my life - Dylan - during this time.  At the same time Dylan and I were falling in love, I was also falling in love with Los Angeles, a city I really had not planned to stay in for more than a few years. I figured there was a very good chance the city would chew me up and spit me out, and I'd either end up broke and back in my parents house in Kansas, or far worse. But at that time, doing whatever I wanted to do at any given moment was the most important thing to me.

Sadly, I had my first taste of huge loss right near the end of my twenties. First, my grandpa Ernest Strecker passed away on February 8, 2004. My brother and I both flew back for the funeral and it was a very sad time for our family. About a year later, my grandma Eva Strecker passed away on March 5, 2005. Just two years later, my last remaining grandparent, Irene Tregellas (my mom's mom) passed away on December 18, 2007. I was unable to fly back for either of my grandma's funerals, which I really regret but I hope they know I was there in spirit. For my grandma Irene, I had recorded a song that she had written and they played it at the service. I ended up recording several songs that I created using poems my grandma had written after that. 

One year later, our family suffered another big loss, with the passing of my uncle Al Strecker. This was the first member of that generation of my family to pass away, with the exception of my mom's brother Randy, who drowned as a child, so I had never met him. Al's death was a shock to all of us and the funeral was a very difficult, sad day for us all. It helped that so many of us were able to be together that day to celebrate his life and mourn our loss. It really had an effect on me and as I was still at the beginning of my thirties, made the concept of loss of life come right to the forefront of my consciousness. I am aware of how truly lucky I am that I had made it that far without suffering a lot of huge losses like many people had. But life happens differently for all of us, and losing a loved one is difficult no matter when it happens.

While my twenties had been all about having fun and doing whatever I wanted, once in my thirties I realized the need to come up with a plan B. Because by that point, I had developed a pretty decent career in the field of Business Improvement Districts. I started in that field in 2002, the same year I met Dylan. At my first interview, despite not knowing exactly what a BID was, I professed my interested in cities stemming from my experience playing the computer game "Sim City 2000." Apparently that was enough to get me off and running, and it has been a rewarding and challenging career path thus far, treating Hollywood like my own little simulation of a city, getting to decide what I think I can do for my tiny part to make things here just a little bit better.

Also in my thirties, I finally felt like I was able to see more of the "big picture," learning to forgive and forget, learning how to really love myself and others, learning how to take and give back in a way that's sustainable for everyone. I learned to appreciate my family so much - and just in time for a huge expansion of said family, with the addition of the next generation: my niece Eva Rho and my nephew Emmett Matthew Marvin.

Although people have been telling me a lot lately that I "don't look 40," and I certainly don't necessarily feel like a forty year old, it's telling that the other day when I was purchasing beer at Walgreens, they had a big sign that says "We Card Under 40." I was not carded. I sometimes see pictures of myself and the wrinkles around my eyes, and the dark spots under them, jump out at me. I also can tell the extra weight I've put on in the past ten years has done nothing to help establish a youthful appearance.

Bringing us to today, I decided to throw a big party for my 40th because I knew I'd need something to rid myself of the last remaining reservations I had about reaching this milestone. Here's the timeline of how my party came to fruition.

First, while watching the amazing cover band Queen Nation perform at the Upland Lemon Festival, I had an idea to do a cover band of my own. After having had a blast as a semi-regular member of the all gay male tribute to the Go-Go's (known as the Gay-Gays), I thought it would be fun to do a similar scheme, in the guise of a cover band dubbed Boynanarama.

It was fairly quick and easy to put together my "dream band" to perform Bananarama cover songs at my birthday. Most everyone I asked said yes right away; only a few had to be convinced or replaced. Once the lineup was solidified I went about choosing which songs to do, which was pretty easy, and then arranging them all, which was more complicated. I started by dissecting each of the six chosen songs, then recording them myself, playing all the parts separately by hand on my keyboard, into my laptop, then converting them to MIDI files so I could create sheet music for the musicians. 

Then, the five singers converged to start learning and rehearsing these songs to the tracks I had arranged. Once we were pretty confident together, I gathered the instrumentalists together to run through the songs as well. Then, we combined all nine members into one rehearsal room and we had several rehearsals that way. Near the end of the process, Jarod created the choreography that he, Dylan and I would be performing while we sang, and then we had to practice that too!

On my actual 40th birthday, I went to work early as we were all attending the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce's annual Hollywood Economic Summit. My coworkers and I had a pizza party for lunch to celebrate, and they brought me cupcakes as well. My friend Marky also stopped by and gave me the gift of munchkins (from Dunkin' Donuts). That night, Dylan took me to dinner at Wokcano and we had a very nice evening.

My party was on Saturday. We got to Fubar around 1pm to start decorating and setting up the band equipment and lighting. It took almost the entire day, but by 6pm we were all ready and I had dinner with most of the band before the party started at 7pm.

It meant more to me than the guests will ever know, as I watched each person walk into the bar. There was such a great cross-section of people representing different phases and aspects of my 17 years in Los Angeles. I think there was literally a person who I'd met in each of those 17 years in attendance. It was all a little overwhelming to be honest, but sooner than seemed possible, it was 9pm and the show must go on! Angie, my sister-in-law, opened the show with a brilliant burlesque performance that got the crowd going! Then it was time for Boynanarama!

I can say that Boynanarama is the best band I have ever been fortunate enough to direct. Carlo Ribaux on the drums was amazing. He is a driving force who can so clearly articulate all the parts of a song, loop in all the musicians, and take command of the situation. His partner in the low-end was Christopher Freeman from the legendary band Pansy Division (as well as the superb cover band GAYC-DC). Chris did amazing work translating the cheesy synth bass from many of Bananaramas hits into a rocking, live experience! My brother Brandon learned all the guitar parts despite being busier than he's ever been with his own company having just launched. I can't believe he had time to do it, but he did! Dwight Rivera played keyboards and I must admit the most difficult thing for me was handing over the "keys" (ha ha) to another synth player, but I wanted to focus on singing and performing, and Dwight is a professional who brought it way more than I ever could have anyway! Our lovely female singers, Erin and Brittnee, were a joy to work with. I had been wanting to work with Erin ever since I first heard her sing at live band karaoke, and Brittnee had previously appeared in the Devin Tait and the Traitors music video "Now I Know What I Want." So it was great to work with her where she got to show more of her talents!

Lastly, my co-bananas, Jarod and Dylan, worked their butts off to learn all the words, all the dance moves, and basically really bring the performance to life. I felt so confident with them on either side of me. The entire performance, I was beaming with joy and almost unable to control my smile.

It was a night I'll never forget, and a true testament to forty years of living my life the way I want to" with love, respect, and a bunch of cheesy music!!!