12 Years Ago
Since the beginning of the new year, I've been doing a great job taking care of myself and making my health, both physical and mental, a priority. To this effect, I haven't drank any alcohol, I've abstained from fast food and "junk food," and I've been working out almost every day, whether that be running or doing a "boot camp" style work out to a record. On the weekends, Dylan has joined me for some hikes.
This Sunday, our day was wide open, so I decided to surprise Dylan by taking him to Culver City park for a little hike. It turned out to be quite serendipitous, because in addition to the regular park, there was now a whole new section of trails open adjoining the main park, with a huge staircase leading up to the Baldwin Hills Scenic Overlook.
We had a great hike and enjoyed the beautiful view all the way from the ocean up to the mountains.
But what hit me the most was my own memories of 12 years ago, when I worked down the street from the park, and would go running there almost every day on my lunch break.
I hadn't thought much about those days for quite some time, but being back in the park, it all came flooding back to me. I had only lived in California for a little over 6 months at that time, and had come to the realization that I was physically not the person I wanted to be. I had put on quite a bit of weight my last few years living in Kansas, indulging in massive amounts of beer, fast food, and late night trips to U-Save for snacks to satiate the munchies. Moving to Los Angeles brought many new positive aspects to my life, but also entire new genres of cuisine (and plenty more fast food chains previously untried) to tempt my diet. Finally, on the brink of 2001, I decided I HAD to get in shape. I wanted to be thin and attractive, like the other guys in West Hollywood. I created a manifesto which I hung on the inside of the door to my apartment, where I was now living alone after my brother decided to move back home right before the holidays.
I tried to subsist on vegetables, grapefruit and chicken breast as best I could, with the occasional 99 cents store candy binge and successive finger-down-the-throat (OK, I only actually remember doing that routine once).
While some aspects of my diet plan were of a questionable nature, my workout plan was much more solid. On my hour lunch break from working at Characters Kids Love, I'd take off running out of the parking lot towards the Culver City Park, where I'd run all the way to the highest point, then wind my way around various trails and paths, making sure to end up at a rise of four sets of stairs, which I would run up and down a minimum of five times. By the time I got back to the office afterward, I would be hot and sweaty, but I'd check myself out in the reflective glass of our office door and as weeks passed, I would smile each time seeing how much skinnier I was becoming. My love handles were disappearing, my gut melting away.
Not only was I running and dreaming about a life where I would be considered an attractive, desirable guy, I was also writing songs in my head and considering trying to form a boy band. I even took a class in Hip Hop and Funk Dancing to ready myself for such a proposition.
Spending those lunch hours in that park was a turning point in my life, where I developed so much more confidence and clarity about my life and my situation. Running up to that vantage point, where I could see all of Los Angeles - the ocean, Hollywood, downtown - reminded me on a daily basis that the world was mine for taking.
It's so difficult for me to fathom now, that those days are twelve years behind me now. In some ways, it calms me to consider where I am in my life now, and to imagine that the 23 year old I was then would be happy with who he turned out to be at 35. However, I also remember some of his big dreams, and can't help but feel I have fallen short in many ways. It just makes me want to continue trying all that much harder now.
This Sunday, our day was wide open, so I decided to surprise Dylan by taking him to Culver City park for a little hike. It turned out to be quite serendipitous, because in addition to the regular park, there was now a whole new section of trails open adjoining the main park, with a huge staircase leading up to the Baldwin Hills Scenic Overlook.
We had a great hike and enjoyed the beautiful view all the way from the ocean up to the mountains.
But what hit me the most was my own memories of 12 years ago, when I worked down the street from the park, and would go running there almost every day on my lunch break.
I hadn't thought much about those days for quite some time, but being back in the park, it all came flooding back to me. I had only lived in California for a little over 6 months at that time, and had come to the realization that I was physically not the person I wanted to be. I had put on quite a bit of weight my last few years living in Kansas, indulging in massive amounts of beer, fast food, and late night trips to U-Save for snacks to satiate the munchies. Moving to Los Angeles brought many new positive aspects to my life, but also entire new genres of cuisine (and plenty more fast food chains previously untried) to tempt my diet. Finally, on the brink of 2001, I decided I HAD to get in shape. I wanted to be thin and attractive, like the other guys in West Hollywood. I created a manifesto which I hung on the inside of the door to my apartment, where I was now living alone after my brother decided to move back home right before the holidays.
I tried to subsist on vegetables, grapefruit and chicken breast as best I could, with the occasional 99 cents store candy binge and successive finger-down-the-throat (OK, I only actually remember doing that routine once).
While some aspects of my diet plan were of a questionable nature, my workout plan was much more solid. On my hour lunch break from working at Characters Kids Love, I'd take off running out of the parking lot towards the Culver City Park, where I'd run all the way to the highest point, then wind my way around various trails and paths, making sure to end up at a rise of four sets of stairs, which I would run up and down a minimum of five times. By the time I got back to the office afterward, I would be hot and sweaty, but I'd check myself out in the reflective glass of our office door and as weeks passed, I would smile each time seeing how much skinnier I was becoming. My love handles were disappearing, my gut melting away.
Not only was I running and dreaming about a life where I would be considered an attractive, desirable guy, I was also writing songs in my head and considering trying to form a boy band. I even took a class in Hip Hop and Funk Dancing to ready myself for such a proposition.
Spending those lunch hours in that park was a turning point in my life, where I developed so much more confidence and clarity about my life and my situation. Running up to that vantage point, where I could see all of Los Angeles - the ocean, Hollywood, downtown - reminded me on a daily basis that the world was mine for taking.
It's so difficult for me to fathom now, that those days are twelve years behind me now. In some ways, it calms me to consider where I am in my life now, and to imagine that the 23 year old I was then would be happy with who he turned out to be at 35. However, I also remember some of his big dreams, and can't help but feel I have fallen short in many ways. It just makes me want to continue trying all that much harder now.
Comments
This was a very good blog. I'm glad you went back to that park.