Overgrown
I am on a roll here!
I just remembered something that I wanted to write about. Often times, right before I fall asleep or as I am falling asleep, I will have sort of a bad dream or bad vision, it's not really a nightmare because I am not completely asleep yet and it is usually just very quick; also it's not usually "scary" per se, but just disturbing or startling. Most of the time, it's that I'm in a car and rear ending another car, but there are lots of other scenarios.
Last night, it was a new one. It was just a vision of main street in my hometown, Paradise, but everything was crumbling and it was all overgrown; in fact, the street was gone because weeds had sprouted up through the asphalt. It was so realistic and it shocked me right back awake and left me out of breath for a few seconds. As odd as it sounds, I think it represented one of my worst life-long fears which I'm sure has even deeper psychological implications. What happens to a person when his or her hometown, one's place of origin, is literally wiped off the map? Growing up in Paradise, the fear has always been ingrained in me, as even from a young age I was conscious of the slow death that my village was undergoing.
When I was a kid, it bothered me that none of the celebrities - actors, ball players, politicians, nobody - was from Paradise. I think in my head I decided that the only way Paradise would thrive again was if someone went out into the world, became famous, and returned with loads of money to revitalize the town. Logically, I decided that I must assume that role myself. That notion lodged itself deep within my psyche and has never quite dissipated. In some ways, it is very much still what drives me today. Despite the odds, I still have never given up on that childhood fantasy, although perhaps I have done a decent job at not letting it overtake my life.
Maybe this is more than I should share about myself, but I'm nothing if not honest. So take it for what it's worth, that a thought that would scare me like a nightmare is a simple as seen my hometown turn to ruin.
I just remembered something that I wanted to write about. Often times, right before I fall asleep or as I am falling asleep, I will have sort of a bad dream or bad vision, it's not really a nightmare because I am not completely asleep yet and it is usually just very quick; also it's not usually "scary" per se, but just disturbing or startling. Most of the time, it's that I'm in a car and rear ending another car, but there are lots of other scenarios.
Last night, it was a new one. It was just a vision of main street in my hometown, Paradise, but everything was crumbling and it was all overgrown; in fact, the street was gone because weeds had sprouted up through the asphalt. It was so realistic and it shocked me right back awake and left me out of breath for a few seconds. As odd as it sounds, I think it represented one of my worst life-long fears which I'm sure has even deeper psychological implications. What happens to a person when his or her hometown, one's place of origin, is literally wiped off the map? Growing up in Paradise, the fear has always been ingrained in me, as even from a young age I was conscious of the slow death that my village was undergoing.
When I was a kid, it bothered me that none of the celebrities - actors, ball players, politicians, nobody - was from Paradise. I think in my head I decided that the only way Paradise would thrive again was if someone went out into the world, became famous, and returned with loads of money to revitalize the town. Logically, I decided that I must assume that role myself. That notion lodged itself deep within my psyche and has never quite dissipated. In some ways, it is very much still what drives me today. Despite the odds, I still have never given up on that childhood fantasy, although perhaps I have done a decent job at not letting it overtake my life.
Maybe this is more than I should share about myself, but I'm nothing if not honest. So take it for what it's worth, that a thought that would scare me like a nightmare is a simple as seen my hometown turn to ruin.
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