10 Years ago...

I hadn't been able to blog about this because it involved a Christmas gift, but I have been completely absorbed with memories of my first band, Singe lately. You see, I decided to produce a short documentary, a la "Behind The Music" to give to my brother Brandon. While working on the project, a couple of amazing things happened. The first was that I called my uncle Ronnie to help me find audio, video, or photos that may be useful for the film. A couple days later, I opened an e-mail from him which contained three Singe recordings, one of which I am sure that neither Brandon or myself had even remembered doing. Two more e-mails followed, equally full of surprises. In all, there were 8 tracks which comprised what we had come to call "the lost Singe album:" Transformation Through Decay.
The other thing that happened was that I relived a bunch of memories that I had completely forgotten about for many years.
I remember buying the guitar from some guy who lived in a trailer house on the outskirts of Hays, KS. I remember vaguely giving it to my brother Brandon after realizing I didn't have the time or energy to really learn how to play it. I remember uncle Ronnie being so excited and helping us with so much technical knowledge, advice, and enthusiasm. I remember initially thinking I would build an electronic drum set, and eventually settling for playing the drums on a keyboard, which no one seemed to think was as strange as it really was.
For me, this was a very unique time in my life and a lot of the experience of being in the band was overshadowed by the fact that I was also slowly coming out at the same time. I had a huge crush on my (straight) best friend, Mike, who I had somehow convinced Brandon to let join the band on bass, despite the fact that he couldn't play it to save his life. In the beginning though, he did put a lot of effort into it, as we all were. But I remember that rehearsals usually entailed something random like me winking at Mike so that the others couldn't see, then when he would refuse to wink back, I would storm off into my bedroom, shut the door, and remain there until Mike came begging me to come join them again. We rehearsed in the basement of my parents house, and at the time I had moved back in and was sleeping in a make-shift room my mom and I had put together in the unfinished part of the basement, because my cousin Andrea had taken my room while I had been living in a trailer house.
Looking back now, I wish I had been able to focus more on the band, but the reality was that the coming out process was overwhelming, and add to that that I was working and going to school.
At Mike's suggestion, I called the 900 dating line in our local paper and through that, met my first boyfriend. Dustin lived about 30 miles away from me, in a town called Russell. It was perfect at first because I could keep my newly found gay lifestyle separate from my daily life. However, eventually the relationship pulled me almost completely away from the band, as I moved to Russell and had less and less time to devote to Singe.
We did continue to play and write, and in less than a year's time, the relationship with Dustin was over and I was ready to move back to Hays. After a very convincing presentation to my parents about how we would actually save money if they would buy a house for Brandon and I to live in, rather than one or both of us renting, in March 1997 we got the keys to our new house at 111 E. 4th. The house had a full basement which my dad and I worked on so that it included a bedroom (mine), bathroom, bar, and rehearsal space.
Singe took off from there and I believe it was soon after this that we recorded the tracks intended for "Transformation Through Decay" several blocks away in Ronnie's basement.
Once again, life began to get in the way. Relationships had soured between Mike and pretty much everyone else in the band. He was living with Brandon and I at the time in one of the upstairs bedrooms. Mike left - both the band and our house (and ultimately the state) and we brought in a drummer. Some of the most fun rehearsals happened after this, as we had never played with a live drummer before. I took over the bass lines on the keyboard which was much easier for me than playing the drums. However, I also started liking Joe less and less, and was quickly tiring of his 'heavy-metal' style riffs that he kept presenting to us as "new song ideas." Likewise, he didn't much care for my suggestions of covering songs by the likes of The B-52's, or bringing in a female lead singer.
I don't remember when or how it happened, but looking back in my diary, it's apparent that Plaything (as we had begun to call ourselves) officially broke up sometime in 1998 or '99. I don't remember when our last show was, but I do know it was at the Tupperwear Building in Hays, and that we played "Kill All The White Man" which Chris, our drummer, sang lead on.

Now, 10 years since the band began, I found myself extremely proud by the recordings we made for Transformation Through Decay. While a lot of the "drumming" makes me cringe, I do think it's cool that I was doing something different. And even though I only had a very cheap plastic "Concertone" keyboard to work with for the synth sounds, I really like the sounds I chose and I think that, as a band, we had come up with a sound and style that gelled with each other. We wrote dark, angry and somewhat mysterious songs with hard edges and, often, rather poppy choruses. We didn't deviate from the verse-chorus X 3 pattern (which usually included a guitar solo before the last verse or chorus) but we did have some interesting textures and changes.
Most of all, I have to thank Brandon for having the courage to get it all started. I had always imagined that I would be in a band, since I was about 10 years old, and I even auditioned for one when I was a freshman in high school (my audition peice: "Under The Sea" from The Little Mermaid). But I doubt that I would have found anyone I would have been comfortable enough with to actually begin writing music and getting up in front of people and performing with had Brandon not taken the first step. I know he says he is embarrased now looking back on his lyrics and such, but considering he was in high school at the time and we were in the middle of nowhere Kansas, I am still to this day impressed and ever grateful.

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